Sunday, June 28, 2009


In less than 4 months I'll be walking down the aisle and becoming Mrs. James Rowe! Wow it's hard to believe that James and I have been dating now for 3 1/2 years! And in a few short months we will be husband and wife. One of the things I have struggled with throughout my dating life is how to maintain my individuality and still be part of a couple. How do you balance a relationship and still maintain interests outside of the relationship? How do you keep from being consumed by the relationship? It's something I've struggled with for years and have seen friends struggle with. It's like I have all these different things pulling me in different directions! There's teaching, family, friends, spending time with James, independent Bible studies, group Bible studies... for someone who values her alone time I've become so busy with other stuff that I've neglected to take time to recharge my batteries.. probably so much that an incident today that normally wouldn't have upset me... sent me off the deep end and into tears... I found myself all alone today following worship service... all my friends had rushed off to lunch and there I was standing all alone in the foyer of the worship center... no one asked if I was going to lunch or if I'd like to join them... it was rather a strange feeling, because you see it's been so long since I had felt this way... for the last 3 years except for a few weekends here and there James has always been there to go to lunch with... and even before that there was a group of friends to go out with... and before that it never bothered me to be by myself for lunch... but as I've gotten further and further away from my solitude I've become more and more dependent upon others. And I wonder what happened to my balance... I need that time of solitude that's been sacrificed to doing instead of being.... I have friends who thrive on business, who always have to "check" their calendars before committing to a lunch or dinner date or even a cup of coffee... but that's not me... or at least it hasn't been me...I recently looked back at my calendar and found almost every weekend filled with some sort of activity or event... I've lost my balance.... I've neglected taking a "sabbath" and I wonder how with all that has to be done in the next few months will I find that balance...My morning devotionals have lately been done out of habit rather than desire... I go through the motions of my daily life almost on auto pilot wondering when I'll have just one day to do absolutely nothing! I feel that have become so busy that not only am I neglecting taking care of myself but I'm neglecting my relationship with God... I wonder how do you do it... how do you balance everything... where do you find your alone time... where do you find the time to just be?

1 comment:

Kathryn (your FB twin) said...

I had feelings like this when I became a mother - where can I be me and not just Talia's mother? Somehow it worked out, but it took a while to find "me time". And leading up to your wedding is always going to be a bit crazy!

I go swimming on the weekend - I can empty my head of distractions and come out feeling refreshed. In the past I found that tending a garden gave me the same peace.

Sending you peace and balance vibes...